Let down, let out, letting go and let it be...Hey Jude????

I've had a series of unfortunate situations come up where I found myself "another friend down". It seems to be that the Wheel of Fortune has swung low and I am tied to the bit that gets dragged through the waters of chance. This last time was a promise from someone who offered to babysit so that I could go see a concert. I planned on this for more than a month, bought the tickets, got the outfit and designed the itinerary of the evening for myself and company. The plans were set firm and all systems were go for this weekend but she got a better offer and asked to be released from her committment to me on Saturday. She did not do this in person, however.

Back home, I had a network of friends and family that I could count on no matter what. If there was a problem (in the traditional latino style---lots of yelling then some crying then some laughing then some drinking) we brought it out into the open and sorted it. But no matter what, I knew where I stood with them at all times because there was that open communication.If a promise was made, it was kept. If feelings were shared, they were honoured. When feelings were broken, then they were mended. The depth of closeness was sacred and I felt that the union shared between them and me was real. I've been lucky to have found some very good friends on this side of the pond, and made family of friends who have taken me in. Don't get me wrong. I am not without blame. I have hurt someone; but I felt regret and made amends. I have been maligned but have forgiven.  This is so important for a "Far and Away Girl" like me. I appreciate them to no end. So it is with a great sense of astonishment that I am comfronted with the realisation that there are some people who come into your life for a reason and others only for a season. I am even more bemused by the fact that some of these very superficial and selfish people cannot seem to feel remorse or are completely unaware of the great hurt they cause someone who shared so much of themselves with them.

I extend warmness to my friends. I am hospitible, amiable and am always full of great joy. So it really feels like the proverbial kick in the proverbial balls when someone can be so callous and cold. I had invited her to quite a few social situations recently. Now I wonder if I should bother extending any more occasions. It is unfortunate that I no longer share the confidence in the alliance anymore. In time I will forgive. I always do. But I doubt I would ever be so inclined to give up so much of myself again.

In a way, I am glad these "seasonal friends" walk in and out of my life. They are reminders of who I really am and what I cannot be. More importantly, they make me look closer at who I want to be. I wish them luck and comfort and bear them no malice. I hope that one day she sees where she might improve. I know that there will always be wonders and blessings for me. There will be other occassions that I will no doubt take part of and there will be other lovely concerts to attend. I feel sorry for her that she feels that her social outings are so limited that she would think nothing of letting down someone who would have been a true friend had she had more faith in herself and in life in general.